Uncomfortably numb

I’ve been wanting to write something…anything, since last month, but couldn’t.

I was either lazy or I couldn’t find the correct order of thoughts: where to begin and where to end. And then shit happened… Beauty of this so called “shit” is that it actually triggered my writing. Where I have to start or where I should end suddenly became unimportant. I just had to write…something…anything…just to get this shit out of my chest.

I don’t wanna share my shit with you…But I wanna share my take on “shit” in general…Because it occurred to me at some point that, things always go wrong; anything that can go wrong will definitely go wrong, as Murphy puts it. So brace yourself…here comes my “shit philosophy”.

I’ve learnt quite a bit of shit about life for the past 7 years.

  • You either hunt, or get hunted – There’s no such thing as “just surviving”. If you feel like you’re surviving without hunting that’s because someone else does it for you. Just think about the depths of that statement yourself…not in a freaking mood to spoon feed every detail.
  • There’re absolutely no such things as good-bad, fair-unfair, moral standards, code of ethics, whatsoever. There’s just one rule…and that’s the first bullet point! Your moral high grounds about not killing another human or animal ends right where it is YOUR life that is at stake. That’s the hard truth about covering up a basic primate with fancy clothes and calling it a civilization. You will kill your own blood if that’s what it takes.
  • It is what it is…as I already mentioned, there’s no Yin yang when it comes to this world. People just come to this world: two people have sex and create life and call it sacred. That’s all to it. Your life on this planet is not voluntary. You were dragged here by two people because they were biologically compelled to reproduce. You’ll most probably repeat that cycle and do the same. There’s no point, no sacred reason to it…it is just what it is…you just come live and go. And some, die before they even see the light, feel the warmth and breath air.
  • Your lives are as insignificant as a spec of dust in universal scale! I never understood why people make their pointless survival even harder by creating friction, fighting wars and killing each other. I never felt sad or happy when terrorists or national heroes died in the past. They just fight and kill and die…It is as pointless as surviving…but then I justified things by categorizing them as “collective hobbies”. We were brought on to this earth and we were given an evolutionary trait: curiosity. So we collectively search the outer space, or fight, or follow some sort of a mass just to fill the void of pointless survival with some kind of a reason to live…[I really want to write every fact about human psychology that I know of, I really do but I’ll just stop here]
  • Well since we’re surviving anyway, I believe that every human being should be given the basic knowledge about Astronomy. It really puts things into perspective. I come from an Astronomical background myself so I always saw walking specs of stardust…Yeah, we all were once elements: formed inside a star like our sun. Stars have died for billions of years to release the matter into the universe that eventually got us formed on this ball of floating dirt. And compared to our own sun, we’re nothing…YOU are nothing…and compared to the rest of the universe…well you get the idea…YOU ARE NOTHING! So why make this “nothing” harder than it already is?

So since I’m getting my shit out of my chest here, I should say that I’m not constantly living in melancholy just because my general view on this world is “grim” per say.

It’s a little bit easier to live when you look at things for what they are. Say, your pet kittens were killed by a predator and you feel so sad and angry about this cruel, unfair world; well it is what it is…That’s just how nature operates. Your life is always at stake if you’re fragile and vulnerable. It’s not fair or unfair that another animal took your defenseless pet for their dinner…If the kittens didn’t die tragically they would’ve eventually died naturally and become someone’s meal anyway. The only reason you feel angry or sad about it is because you were never raised in the actual nature. You never had to do the hunting…You never had a target marked on your back from the moment you were born. You were protected!

So…yeah, that’s about it. for now…I’m not thankful for my privileged life or anything. Um not overly miserable about nature’s doings as well…um just a human who survives.

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